I prefer JUST that

Talk about daring..i don’t think I’d give it a try but here’s a chance..

I still remember the day we had our UNGS paper. The moment ustaz said ‘okay you can stop writing’ it was a huge relief! But then I look around sadly I don’t find ‘anyone’. Now my head cant stop thinking of my-mersing’s friends. You know, I admit it..I’m not a good person. I am bad as a person, as a friend, as a daughter, as a woman..very bad one but I never stop trying to be a better person. Infact I rise up hardly each time everything falls apart.

Mama and mira once sad ‘kak long ni lurus sangat la!’. i was very happy they said that and the very next moment I realized that’s not a compliment maybe to them but not to me. To me, that only equal to one thing… that I am weak. I sat quietly and think about that. Can I go far?

Then I saw the 4 musketeers in front of me. ‘I have them’ I mumbled alone. I don’t blink my eyes looking at them. They were smiling and talking expressing how they are relieved for the paper has finished. Then I remember Reen. I got afraid what would happen after the years we’ve been apart from each other. Can we get along again? Especially after the years went by we were by ourselves, meeting new people, having different things. I just hope things would still be the same as before. I think she is an outstanding person. She understands me more than I think she could. Me on the other hand, I don’t know if I understand her well. Sometimes she’s too kind and I always love her.

I have many friends in UIA. Some new, some I’ve know for years. Some know me and some don’t. Along the years we walked together there were many things I learned from them and many stories behind us. There were goods and bads but that’s what life is right?- people who don’t know me they say..“fatin ni baik, pendiam and pemalu”.thank you. But that’s merely part of me. the real me? You have to find out by yourself. I am the first in my family. I have 5 brothers and one sister. And yes I am hot-tempered. For those who understand me thank you very much. For those who don’t please don’t judge me cause I hate people judging me though I am for sometimes very judgmental (still, I give other people chance to prove themselves). I don’t get angry at people for long time.

Im sorry if I hurt anyone. But here’s the thing, people make me angry and I would be very. very untalkative ( I prefer myself to keep silent whenever I get upset). I don’t talk because I need time to chase away that angry mood inside of me. I need my time then I can talk. I don’t go around and simply talk because if I do than that would be a hypocrite one. I have my own reason.

As for Reen, if u read this entry..i just want you to know I miss you so much. I really miss our times back in Mersing. I think that is something that I’m very grateful for. Knowing you is one of the best things happened in my life. You know, you are one those ppl I always love and close to my heart. I pray that u are happy in whatever u do and I know there’s always someone better u deserve.

Advertisement